What happened when I told my family I was transgender

After my counsellor, Jan was the first person that I told. She was great and immediately wanted to know what support and help I needed. Not every conversation I had went so well.

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My sister, Jan, was the first person in my family that I told I was transgender. She was great and wanted to know what support and help I needed. Not every conversation went so well.

27th September 2020. I visited Jan’s beautician for a makeup and skincare lesson and unbeknown to me, my wife had been tracking my phone as she thought I was having an affair, nothing could be further from the truth (I later found out she’d been doing it for quite a while). She questioned me about where I had been. I thought about avoiding the question, but she kept on until, in the end, I thought I just can’t do this anymore, so I said I wasn’t having an affair and told her that I was transgender. This led to a very difficult time and my relationship with my wife deteriorated dramatically. Some days were bearable, and she offered to help me on my journey and wanted to support me but on other days she would accuse me of running her life, hurling abuse at me and demanding I tell our two grown up children and my 89-year-old dad so they would all reject me.

31st October 2020. After constant pressure from my wife, I was forced to tell my children as she threatened to do it if I didn’t and I wanted them to hear it from me. Where did I start? how did I do this? it had been hard enough with Jan. Denise my counsellor suggested I write them each a letter explaining, which I did. I’ll never forget the emotions when I sat each down, the response I received as I told my two children that I was transgender was overwhelming. My son said he’d already guessed, I think maybe they both had. My daughter burst into tears and after an emotional embrace and reassurances that I’ll always be her Dad she asked if I would still walk her down the aisle when she got married, which of course I would always be honoured to do.

18th November. Family home valued and placed in the market.
I thought my wife would be difficult about this but after the house was valued far higher than she originally thought she knew that it would enable her to have enough money to purchase a house where she could be close to her parents. This didn’t go smoothly and there were some very difficult times but then these things never do. I just had to keep reminding myself that I would soon be released and could finally move on

26th December 2020. The Christmas break was difficult. The relationship with my wife became untenable leading me down a dark road back to self-harming and not eating or making myself sick when I was made to eat. After a harrowing Christmas lunch with my wife I went to Jan’s and stayed there for the rest of the Christmas break, eventually moving in with her in the New Year, on the advice of my solicitor. I felt safe and secure there and still do.

16th January 2021. Offer received and accepted on the house and solicitors instructed to complete the sale

16th March 2021. The relief, my Decree Nisi was granted by the courts followed by my Decree Absolute a month later. Legally divorced and with my fresh start right around the corner.

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